Hi ❤️

You were actually pretty much correct! 😊 Here's a little bit extra you can add if you ever need to explain it again:

A period is part of the menstrual cycle. Each month, one of the ovaries usually releases an egg in a process called ovulation. At the same time, the uterus builds up a soft, blood-rich lining ready in case a pregnancy happens.

If the egg isn't fertilised by sperm, the body doesn't need that lining anymore. The lining then breaks down and leaves the body through the vagina as a period. This is why period blood contains not only blood, but also tissue from the lining of the uterus.

A simple way to explain it is:

"Each month, the body releases an egg and prepares the uterus for a possible pregnancy. If the egg isn't fertilised, the uterus lining is shed and leaves the body through the vagina as a period."

The fact that you were able to explain it without looking anything up shows you've been paying attention and have a good understanding of how periods work already! 💗

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

How soon your periods become regular is different for everyone. Some girls find their periods settle into a pattern almost straight away, while for others it can take a year or even a few years for their cycle to become more predictable.

Try not to worry if your periods seem a bit all over the place right now. During puberty, it's very common for periods to come earlier, later, or sometimes even be skipped. Your body is still getting used to the hormones that control your menstrual cycle.

It's also worth remembering that a normal menstrual cycle can be anything from 21 to 34 days, and during the first few years after your first period, the gap between periods can occasionally be shorter or longer than this.

A good idea is to keep track of your periods in a diary or calendar. This can help you spot any patterns as your cycle starts to settle down.

Your body is still learning and growing, so a bit of unpredictability at this stage is completely normal. 💗

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. What you’re describing sounds incredibly painful, and I want you to know that reaching out for support is a really important thing to do.

You're only on day 3 of fluoxetine, and it is unfortunately true that some people feel worse before they feel better. It can take several weeks before the benefits begin to show, and during the first days or weeks some people experience increased anxiety, distress, or intensified feelings. That doesn't make what you're feeling any easier, but it does mean you're not alone in experiencing it.

The fact that you already have one person you can talk to is valuable, even if it feels hard. Please keep leaning on that support where you can.

If you need someone to talk to right now

Samaritans

Free, confidential, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Call 116 123
Website: https://www.samaritans.org

Mind Infoline

Call 0300 102 1234
Mental health information and support
Open Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)

Call 0800 58 58 58
Phone, webchat and WhatsApp support
Open 5pm to midnight daily.

Try to focus on getting through the next hour rather than the next week or month. Grief and depression can make life feel unbearable, but feelings are not permanent, even when they're overwhelming.

Vicki❤️

Hi ❤️

Just checking, when you say dark bikini line, do you mean:

• Dark hair showing around the bikini line area? Or
• Dark skin (hyperpigmentation) around the bikini line

Firstly, I do appreciate that when you're new to pubic hair, it can feel very noticeable and you can become self-conscious about it showing at the sides of your underwear, swimwear, or PE kit.

But honestly, you don't have to do anything about it. It's a normal part of puberty, and it's unlikely that other people are paying as much attention to it as you think.

If it bothers you, you could:

• Choose a different style of underwear or swimwear that offers a little more coverage.
• Carefully trim the hair with round-tip scissors if you'd like it to look neater.

Remember that pubic hair is completely normal and healthy.

I would leave shaving or other hair removal methods as a last resort, especially if you're still a young teen. Shaving can sometimes cause itchy regrowth, razor rash, or ingrown hairs, and there really is no need to remove pubic hair unless you genuinely want to.

And if you mean dark skin rather than hair, don't worry. The skin around the bikini line is often naturally darker than other areas of the body, and that's completely normal too.

Most importantly, try not to be hard on yourself. Puberty brings lots of changes, and it's very common to feel self-conscious about them. I promise you're not the only one feeling this way. ❤️

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

As you and many other girls who write in will notice, there are no golden rules when it comes to first periods. 🌷

You don't have to be a certain height, have bigger breasts, notice discharge, have mood swings, or look a particular way before your period arrives. Puberty happens differently for everyone, and every girl's journey is unique.

That's why your friend having her period doesn't mean yours should have started too. In fact, it's very common for friends to begin puberty milestones at completely different times.

It's also worth remembering that being taller, having bigger boobs, or looking more developed doesn't automatically mean you'll get your period first. Some girls start their periods before their breasts have grown much, while others may have developed breasts for a while before their first period arrives.

And even family members aren't a perfect guide. If your mum, sister, auntie, or cousins started their periods at a certain age, it doesn't necessarily mean you will too.

My biggest tip is this: try not to compare your progress to everyone else's. I know that's easier said than done, especially when friends start talking about periods, but comparing yourself will only make you worry unnecessarily.

If you're around 12, you've still got plenty of time for your first period to arrive, and there is absolutely no reason to think it won't happen. Your body is following its own timeline, and that's perfectly normal. ❤️

Be patient with yourself. Your period will come when your body is ready, not when somebody else's does.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

First of all, can we stop right there with the "I'm dumb and stupid" talk? 💕 You are not dumb, and you are definitely not stupid. Puberty is confusing, and lots of girls have questions, even if they don't always admit it. The fact that you're asking questions and wanting to learn actually shows you're being really sensible.

One of the reasons we created Ask Vicki and the Teens Hub is because we know that periods aren't the only thing girls have to understand. Growing up involves lots of changes, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming, confusing, and even a bit scary.

Here's a quick puberty rundown for you:

🌷 Your body changes You might notice your breasts developing, you may grow taller, get wider hips, and notice more body hair under your arms and around your pubic area.

🌷 Your periods start You've already started this part of puberty! Periods happen because your body is preparing for adulthood. It's completely normal for periods to be irregular at first, especially during the first few years.

🌷 Your emotions can change You might feel happy one minute and grumpy or upset the next. Hormones can play a big role in emotions during puberty, and that's perfectly normal.

🌷 You may notice discharge This is a clear or white fluid in your underwear. It's completely normal and is your body's way of keeping the vagina healthy and clean.

🌷 Friendships can change You may find yourself becoming closer to some friends, drifting away from others, or becoming interested in different things. This is a normal part of growing up too.

The good news is that I've written lots of blogs on the Teens Hub about all of these topics.

Why not spend a little time reading through some of them? You don't need to learn everything at once. Take it one topic at a time, and before you know it, you'll understand much more than you do now.

And remember, nobody is born knowing all this stuff. We all learn it bit by bit. So please don't compare yourself to your friends. You're still very new to periods, and you're doing absolutely fine. ❤️

Come back anytime you have questions. That's what I'm here for!

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words. Messages like yours genuinely mean the world to me.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been carrying the pain of feeling misunderstood and unsupported as a child. When a parent projects their own experiences and fears onto their child, it can leave that child feeling unseen, unheard, and very alone. None of that was your fault.

What really stands out in your message is how much work you've done to understand your experiences and begin healing from them. That takes courage. Looking back at childhood memories isn't always easy, especially when those memories come with difficult feelings.

I'm also incredibly touched that you remembered asking questions through your tween and teen years. Those years can be confusing, awkward, emotional, and full of questions that feel too embarrassing to ask out loud. Whether it was periods, discharge, bras, body changes, hygiene, friendships, relationships, or simply growing up, I'm so glad I could be a small source of support and reassurance along the way.

And do you know what? It's actually very common for girls who first reached out in their teens to come back in their twenties and even thirties. Life doesn't stop being complicated once we become adults, and sometimes we all need a safe place to ask questions, seek reassurance, or simply feel heard.

Most importantly, I hope you know that the caring, supportive voice you found in those answers is something you deserve to give yourself too. The kindness, patience, and understanding you needed back then are things you can continue offering to your younger self as you heal.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. It's incredibly special to know that something I said years ago stayed with you and helped you navigate those important years.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Firstly, well done for noticing these things so early. Starting secondary school is a huge change, and it's completely normal to realise that someone you knew in one setting isn't quite the same person when you spend lots of time with them every day.

From what you've described, it sounds like this girl is making choices that don't really match your values. Expecting you to do her homework, copying your work, going through people's lockers, and taking things that don't belong to her are all behaviours that could end up causing problems. It's understandable that you're feeling uncomfortable.

The good news is that you don't have to choose between being friends with her and protecting yourself. You can be polite and friendly without getting involved in things that don't feel right to you.

A few things I would suggest:

• Don't let her copy your homework or schoolwork. A simple "Sorry, I need to do my own work" is enough.
• If she's doing something you know is wrong, don't join in, even if she pressures you.
• Start sitting with and talking to lots of different people.
• Join clubs, activities, or groups where you can meet classmates with similar interests.
• Remember that friendships are allowed to change as you get to know people better.

School is far too important to spend all your time with someone whose behaviour makes you uncomfortable. That doesn't mean you have to cut her off completely or create drama. In fact, the best approach is usually to let the friendship naturally become less close while you make connections with other people.

And honestly? You're only two weeks in. There are going to be so many opportunities to meet new friends over the coming months. You're an outgoing person, and that will help you enormously. Every lesson, club, and school event is a chance to find people you really click with.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. You don't have to stay close friends with someone just because they were the first person you knew. Friendships should make you feel comfortable, respected, and happy.

Trust your instincts. They seem to be telling you something important here. ❤️

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Firstly, I want you to know that you are not behind. I know lots of people who don't have their first relationship until their late teens, early twenties, or even later. It might feel as though everyone else is coupled up, but real life is often very different from what we imagine.

From what you've written, it sounds like you've worked incredibly hard on yourself. You're in therapy, building confidence, trying new things, and making progress. That's something to be proud of. But I also think you've reached an important realisation: you do not have to become perfect before you're "allowed" to be loved.

A lot of advice about "working on yourself first" gets misunderstood. It doesn't mean locking yourself away until you've fixed every insecurity, every worry, and every problem. If that were the case, nobody would ever date! Most people are still growing, learning, healing, and developing while they're in relationships.

In fact, a healthy relationship can sometimes support that growth. The right person won't magically solve your insecurities, but they may encourage you, support you, and remind you of qualities in yourself that you struggle to see.

You mentioned this childhood friend, and honestly, there's nothing wrong with being open to getting to know him better if you'd like to. You don't have to decide whether he's "the one." You don't even have to decide whether you want a relationship with him. You could simply start with friendship and see how things naturally develop.

And please try not to assume that every boy/man only wants one thing. Yes, there are people who aren't looking for anything serious, but there are also plenty of boys/men looking for companionship, friendship, shared interests, someone to laugh with, someone to support, and someone to build a genuine connection with.

What stood out most to me was when you said you feel invisible and that you hate the way you look.

The fact that you don't currently see yourself as attractive does not mean other people see you that way. We are often our own harshest critics. I can't tell you that all your insecurities will disappear overnight, but I can tell you that plenty of people have found loving relationships while still struggling with confidence, body image, anxiety, or self-esteem.

You also mentioned being scared of being used and not feeling ready for physical intimacy. That's completely okay. There is no deadline for sex, physical intimacy, or any relationship milestone. Being interested in having a boyfriend does not mean you have to be ready for anything physical. A good partner will respect your boundaries and your pace. The right relationship should feel safe, comfortable, and mutual, not pressured.

And one final thing: you're 19.

I know that doesn't feel young when you're comparing yourself to friends, but in the grand scheme of life, you are at the very beginning of your adult journey. You are not running out of time. You are not behind. You are not destined to be alone because you haven't had a boyfriend yet.

Keep focusing on building a life you enjoy, but don't feel that you have to shut yourself off from relationships while you do it. You can work on yourself and be open to love at the same time.

If you like this boy, maybe the next step isn't "How do I get a boyfriend?" Maybe it's simply, "How can I get to know him a little better?"

Sometimes that's all a relationship starts with.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

First periods can feel a bit strange, exciting, and even a little worrying all ay the same time, but I promise you're not alone.

Remember, if you've got period products with you, there's no need to tell your teacher or another member of staff that you're on your period unless you want to. Your period is private, and it's completely up to you who you tell.

If you're wearing a period pad, you can usually change it at lunchtime or during a toilet break if needed. Most people won't know you're on your period unless you choose to tell them.

And don't worry about having a male teacher. Teachers are used to supporting students with all kinds of health needs, including periods. If you ever need help, you could simply say:

"Could I please go to the toilet?"

You don't have to explain why. If you ever run out of period products or have an emergency, you can quietly speak to a teacher, teaching assistant, school nurse, or receptionist. They will be there to help, regardless of whether they're male or female.

A few tips for your first period:

• Keep a spare period pad in your school bag.
• Wear comfortable underwear.
• Bring a spare pair of underwear, just in case.
• Try not to worry about leaks. Most people have a small accident at some point, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
• Drink water and eat regularly to help you feel your best.

Most importantly, starting your period at 10 is normal, and it's a sign that your body is growing and developing.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I hope you're having a lovely day too! 😊

Yes, PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) was recently renamed PMOS (Polyendocrine Metabolic Ovarian Syndrome) by experts and patient groups. The condition itself hasn't changed, just the name.

The main reason for the change is that PCOS was considered a bit misleading. Many people with the condition don't actually have ovarian cysts, and the tiny structures sometimes seen on the ovaries are usually follicles rather than true cysts.

Experts felt that the old name focused too much on the ovaries and didn't reflect the fact that the condition can affect lots of different parts of the body, including hormones, metabolism, periods, skin, hair, fertility, and mental wellbeing.

The new name breaks it down a bit better:

• Polyendocrine = affects several hormones.
• Metabolic = can affect how the body processes energy and insulin.
• Ovarian = can affect ovulation and periods.
• Syndrome = a group of symptoms that occur together.

So if you've been diagnosed with PCOS, you don't need to be diagnosed again. PMOS is simply the new name for the same condition.

Thanks for your great question! It's nice to see awareness growing because a more accurate name may help more people understand the condition and get the support they need. 

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

That's a really common question, and the short answer is no, inserting a tampon or menstrual cup does not feel the same as having sex.

Although a tampon goes into the vagina, the sensation is very different from sexual activity, and many people don't feel a tampon at all once it's in the right place. This is why the idea that using a tampon feels like sex is a myth.

When you first start using tampons, you might notice a little pressure while putting one in, especially if you're feeling nervous or still learning how to use them. But a properly inserted tampon shouldn't hurt, and it isn't a sexual experience.

It's also important to know that using tampons, menstrual cups, or period pads does not affect virginity. Virginity is a personal and cultural idea, not something that can be changed by using period products.

As your first period gets closer, it's completely normal to be curious about what to use. Many young people start with period pads and then decide later whether they'd like to try tampons or a menstrual cup. There's no right or wrong choice. Use whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

And don't worry if you haven't started your period yet. Everyone develops at their own pace, and it can be hard to predict exactly when your first period will arrive.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It sounds like you're feeling worried, and that's completely okay. Lots of teenagers have questions about things they see online.

First, it's worth knowing that in the UK, some online content is meant for adults aged 18 and over. Websites are supposed to have checks in place to stop under-18s from accessing it. This is because some content can be confusing, upsetting, or give unrealistic ideas about relationships and growing up.

If you've seen something inappropriate, try not to panic or be hard on yourself. Many young people come across content online accidentally or out of curiosity. Being curious is a normal part of growing up, but if certain videos are making you feel uncomfortable, stressed, guilty, or like you can't stop watching them, it may be a good idea to take a step back.

Here are a few things that can help:

• Put screen time limits on your device.
• Use website blockers or safe search settings.
• Spend more time doing activities you enjoy, such as sport, gaming, music, art, or seeing friends.
• Avoid being online when you're feeling bored, lonely, or upset, as that's often when habits can be harder to control.
• Talk to a trusted adult if you're worried or need support.

Remember, making a change doesn't happen overnight. The fact that you're asking this question shows you're thinking carefully about your choices, and that's a really positive thing.

Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and learns as they grow.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

If your breast is extremely sore, hurts when you move, and you've noticed discharge coming from the nipple, I'd really recommend telling your mum, dad, or the person who looks after you as soon as you can.

It may be something simple, such as a hormonal change related to puberty or your period, but pain, redness, warmth, swelling, or nipple discharge are symptoms that should be checked by a doctor, especially if the pain is severe.

Please don't panic. Breast problems in teens are often harmless and can usually be treated once a doctor knows what's causing them. However, because you're in quite a bit of pain and you've noticed liquid coming out, it's important not to ignore it.

In the meantime, try to avoid pressing or squeezing the area, and wear a comfortable, supportive bra or crop top if that feels better.

Please speak to a trusted adult today and ask them to arrange a GP appointment. If you develop a fever, feel unwell, or the pain becomes much worse, let an adult know straight away.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

There really isn't a "normal" bra size for a 13-year-old. Everyone develops at their own pace, and breast size is influenced by things like genetics, body shape, and when puberty starts.

A 30E would generally be considered a fuller bust size on a smaller band, but that doesn't mean there's anything unusual or wrong about it. Some girls are still wearing crop tops or beginner bras at 13, while others may need larger cup sizes. Both are completely normal.

Try not to compare yourself to your friends. Breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no 'right' size to be at any age. Puberty can continue for several years, so your body may change quite a bit as you grow.

If your bras feel comfortable and supportive, that's far more important than what the label says. And remember, a bra size is just a measurement, not a reflection of who you are or how mature you should be.

Be kind to yourself. Your body is developing in its own unique way, and that's something to celebrate. ❤️

Vicki ❤️

Hi 💜

As you haven't told me exactly what problems you're having with your bladder, it's a little difficult for me to give specific advice.

If you're having bladder problems regularly, such as needing to pee very often, struggling to hold on, having accidents, pain when you pee, or anything else that's worrying you, I'd definitely suggest having a chat with your mum, dad, or the person who looks after you and asking if they can book an appointment with your GP.

Please don't feel embarrassed. Bladder problems are actually quite common, and doctors talk about them all the time. Once they know what's causing the issue, they can usually suggest ways to help or treatment if needed.

In the meantime, make sure you're drinking plenty of water and try not to avoid using the toilet when you need to go.

You've done the right thing by asking for advice. 

Vicki 💜

Hi Belle 💖

Discovering you have wavy hair can take a bit of trial and error, so don't worry if your first attempt didn't turn out how you hoped!

For wavy hair, one of the biggest mistakes is using too much product. Mousse, leave-in conditioner, and styling gel can all be great, but if you use a lot, your hair can end up looking heavy, stiff, or crunchy instead of soft and wavy.

Try using just a small amount of product and focus it on the mid-lengths and ends of your hair. After washing, gently scrunch your hair upwards with your hands to encourage the waves. Then either let it air dry naturally or use a diffuser on a low heat setting if you have one.

Another tip is to avoid touching your hair too much while it's drying, as this can make waves look frizzy or lose their shape.

Remember, wavy hair is unique and what works for one person might not work for another. It may take a few attempts to find the routine that gives you the waves you love!

And honestly, having naturally wavy hair gives you lots of options. You can wear it natural, enhance the waves, or style it for more defined curls depending on how you're feeling that day. 😊

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

No, this isn't bad at all. In fact, it's very common.

Think of breasts as sisters, not twins. One will often look slightly different from the other. They might be different sizes, sit a little differently, or have areolas (the darker skin around the nipple) that vary slightly in colour or shape.

During puberty, when your breasts are still growing and developing, it's especially normal for one breast to develop a bit earlier than the other. This can make the areola on one side look slightly darker, larger, or more noticeable than the other.

As long as this is something you've always had, or it's happened gradually as you've been developing, it's usually nothing to worry about.

From what you've described, a slightly darker areola on one breast is a completely normal part of how bodies develop. ❤️

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I can understand why you're confused, especially when your experience seems so different from your cousin's.

As far as current research shows, PCOS (or PMOS as it is now called) doesn't directly cause breasts to shrink or grow. However, PCOS can sometimes be linked to changes in weight and hormone levels, which may affect the amount of fatty tissue in the breasts. Because breasts are made up largely of fat, their size can naturally change over time.

It's also worth remembering that breast size rarely stays the same throughout life. Weight changes, age, hormones, contraception, pregnancy, and other lifestyle factors can all affect bra size. So it's quite possible that both your breast size and your cousin's have changed for reasons that aren't directly caused by PCOS itself.

The fact that you were previously a DD/E cup and now fit a large C or small D cup doesn't necessarily mean PCOS has caused your breasts to shrink. Likewise, your cousin's increase in cup size doesn't prove PCOS causes breast growth.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

With your measurements, I wouldn't focus too much on a specific bra size. Bra sizes are only a guide, and everyone's body develops at their own pace.

What's most important is finding something that feels comfortable, fits well, and gives you the support you need. If you're looking for a first bra, a soft crop top, bralette, or beginner bra can be a great place to start.

Try not to worry about the number or letter on the label. The best bra is the one that makes you feel comfortable and confident. 💕

Vicki ❤️