Hi ❤️ This is something a lot of young people wonder about, and there's a lot of misinformation out there.

The truth is that having sex for the first time is not supposed to hurt. If both people feel ready, communicate with each other, take things slowly and stop if something doesn't feel right, there is no reason why it should be painful.

That said, experiences vary. Some people feel a little discomfort, nervousness or awkwardness the first time simply because they're anxious or unsure what to expect. Feeling relaxed, comfortable and able to talk openly with your partner can make a big difference.

The most important thing isn't whether it will hurt. It's whether you're emotionally ready, feel safe, and are able to make the decision without pressure from anyone else.

That first-time sex does not have to be painful, and nobody should feel they have to put up with pain to make someone else happy.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ That's a brilliant question!

Although it only takes one sperm to fertilise an egg and start a pregnancy, millions of sperm are released at the same time. Most of them never get anywhere near the egg.

Many sperm don't survive the journey through the female reproductive system, some go in the wrong direction, and others simply run out of energy before reaching the egg. The sperm that do make it close to the egg help by releasing enzymes that assist the fertilisation process, but usually only one sperm actually enters the egg.

Once one sperm successfully gets inside, the egg changes its outer layer almost immediately. This creates a barrier that prevents any other sperm from entering. It's a bit like the egg locking the door once the first sperm has arrived!

So the short answer is that most sperm are naturally broken down and absorbed by the body, while just one sperm is usually responsible for fertilising the egg.

I think it's pretty amazing when you consider that pregnancy can begin with just one tiny sperm out of millions!

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It sounds like you're trying to understand relationships and intimacy, which is completely normal as you get older and start learning more about life.

One thing that's important to know is that whether someone is fully dressed, partly dressed or undressed doesn't determine how close two people feel to each other. Relationships can involve lots of different forms of affection, such as spending time together, holding hands, hugging, talking, and supporting one another.

Learning about relationships can feel confusing at times, but asking questions is a great way to understand them better.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

No, this isn't true. It is possible to become pregnant before your first period arrives, although it isn't very common.

This is because your body releases an egg (ovulation) before you have a period. If that egg is fertilised by sperm from unprotected sex, a pregnancy can occur. Since nobody knows exactly when their first ovulation will happen, it's impossible to know when this risk begins.

So if someone is sexually active, they should always use contraception to help prevent pregnancy and protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Many people assume that if periods haven't started yet, pregnancy isn't possible, but that's a myth. The first period happens after the first ovulation, not before.

Vicki ❤️

Yes, it's definitely on my list of new blogs to create. 

Hi, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. From what you've said, it sounds like you're worried that you may have been sexually assaulted, and that's something you should not have to deal with on your own.

If something happened without your consent, or you're unsure about what happened at the party, please try to speak to a trusted adult as soon as possible. Although you don't feel able to talk to your mum right now, you could speak to a teacher, school safeguarding lead, school nurse, another family member, or another adult you trust.

You can also visit your local police station or call the police on 101 to discuss what happened and get advice. 

If you'd prefer to talk confidentially first, you can contact Childline on 0800 1111, where you can speak to someone about your worries and discuss your options in a safe, non-judgemental way.

What happened is not your fault, and you deserve support and help. Reaching out to someone you trust is an important first step.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Masturbation is the term used when a person touches their own body, particularly their intimate areas, for personal comfort or pleasure. It is a natural behaviour that many people become curious about as they go through puberty and become more aware of their changing body and emotions.

We are all different, and while some people are curious about masturbation, others have little or no interest at all. Both are completely normal.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ you cannot catch an STI from masturbating on your own. STIs are usually passed on through sexual contact with another person.

As long as your hands and anything you use are clean, masturbation is a normal and safe activity.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking about who you are, and that's completely okay. 😊

At 11 years old, it's very normal to be curious about your gender identity and to wonder where you fit. Some people know they're trans from a young age, some people realise later on, and some people explore different labels before finding one that feels right.

The fact that you sometimes see girl characters and feel unsure about whether you're trans doesn't mean your feelings aren't real. It just means you're still figuring things out, and that's okay! ❤️

One thing I want you to know is that you don't have to choose a gender right now. There isn't a deadline, and there's no prize for having all the answers straight away. It's okay to take your time and notice how you feel over the next few months and years.

Since your parents are LGBTQ+, you may find they're a safe place to talk to when you're ready. But you don't have to have a big announcement if you're not sure yet.

For now, try asking yourself:

• What makes me feel most comfortable?
• How do I like others to see me?
• What makes me feel happy and like myself?

You don't need to put a label on yourself until you're ready, and it's okay if that label changes as you learn more about yourself.

Be patient with yourself. Growing up is all about discovering who you are, and there's no right or wrong answer. 💕

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ Firstly, thank you for writing in and sharing something so personal.

At 13, it's completely normal to be questioning your sexuality and gender identity. Some people know exactly who they are from a young age, while others take longer to figure things out. Both are perfectly okay.

From what you've said, it sounds like your dad may already have some idea and has given you signs that he wants you to know you'll be loved and accepted. That's a really positive sign.

If you'd like to come out as pansexual, remember that it doesn't have to be a big, serious announcement. Sometimes the best conversations happen naturally, while you're in the car, helping with dinner, or chatting about a TV show. You could simply say something like, "I've been thinking about my sexuality, and I think I'm pansexual."

It's also okay that you don't want to talk about being trans right now. Coming out should happen in your time, when you feel ready.

Remember, even if your dad has already guessed, telling him yourself can still be meaningful because it's about sharing an important part of who you are and trusting him with it.

Take your time, do what feels right for you, and remember that you don't have to have everything figured out straight away. 

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

That's a really common question, and the short answer is no, inserting a tampon or menstrual cup does not feel the same as having sex.

Although a tampon goes into the vagina, the sensation is very different from sexual activity, and many people don't feel a tampon at all once it's in the right place. This is why the idea that using a tampon feels like sex is a myth.

When you first start using tampons, you might notice a little pressure while putting one in, especially if you're feeling nervous or still learning how to use them. But a properly inserted tampon shouldn't hurt, and it isn't a sexual experience.

It's also important to know that using tampons, menstrual cups, or period pads does not affect virginity. Virginity is a personal and cultural idea, not something that can be changed by using period products.

As your first period gets closer, it's completely normal to be curious about what to use. Many young people start with period pads and then decide later whether they'd like to try tampons or a menstrual cup. There's no right or wrong choice. Use whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

And don't worry if you haven't started your period yet. Everyone develops at their own pace, and it can be hard to predict exactly when your first period will arrive.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It sounds like you're feeling worried, and that's completely okay. Lots of teenagers have questions about things they see online.

First, it's worth knowing that in the UK, some online content is meant for adults aged 18 and over. Websites are supposed to have checks in place to stop under-18s from accessing it. This is because some content can be confusing, upsetting, or give unrealistic ideas about relationships and growing up.

If you've seen something inappropriate, try not to panic or be hard on yourself. Many young people come across content online accidentally or out of curiosity. Being curious is a normal part of growing up, but if certain videos are making you feel uncomfortable, stressed, guilty, or like you can't stop watching them, it may be a good idea to take a step back.

Here are a few things that can help:

• Put screen time limits on your device.
• Use website blockers or safe search settings.
• Spend more time doing activities you enjoy, such as sport, gaming, music, art, or seeing friends.
• Avoid being online when you're feeling bored, lonely, or upset, as that's often when habits can be harder to control.
• Talk to a trusted adult if you're worried or need support.

Remember, making a change doesn't happen overnight. The fact that you're asking this question shows you're thinking carefully about your choices, and that's a really positive thing.

Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and learns as they grow.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

That's not a rude question at all. Lots of people get confused by this because gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things.

Gender identity is about who you are. For example, whether someone identifies as male, female, both, neither, or somewhere in between.

Sexual orientation is about who someone is romantically or emotionally attracted to.

So, if someone is transgender and transitions from male to female, then:

• If she is attracted to men, she would usually be considered straight, because she is a woman attracted to men.
• If she is attracted to women, she would usually be considered gay or lesbian, because she is a woman attracted to women.
• Some people may identify as bisexual, pansexual, or use other terms depending on who they are attracted to.

The important thing to remember is that being transgender is about gender, while being gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual is about attraction. They're separate parts of a person's identity.

It's completely okay to ask respectful questions when you're trying to understand something better. Learning about different experiences helps us understand and support each other.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

During puberty, your body goes through lots of changes as your hormones develop and mature. Because of these hormone changes, you may notice new feelings and sensations in your body, as well as changes in vaginal discharge when you see or read something of a romantic nature.

It's also common for emotions, romantic storylines in films, books, or TV shows, and even close physical affection to make you more aware of your body's reactions. This is all part of growing up and learning about yourself.

Remember, everyone experiences puberty differently, and it's completely normal to have questions about the changes happening in your body.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It's great that you're thinking ahead about your sexual health and contraception.

If you're over 16, you may be able to get some types of birth control directly from Boots or Superdrug pharmacies, depending on what's available in your area. Many pharmacies now offer contraceptive services, and some also provide the HPV vaccine privately.

You can also visit your GP surgery, a sexual health clinic, or a GUM (genitourinary medicine) clinic. These services can discuss all your contraception options with you and help you choose the method that best suits your lifestyle and health needs.

As for your parents finding out, contraception and sexual health services are generally confidential. Healthcare professionals will not usually tell your parents that you've sought advice or started contraception without your permission. If you have any concerns about confidentiality, don't be afraid to ask the doctor, nurse, or pharmacist directly. They can explain exactly how your information is handled.

Regarding the HPV vaccine, if you missed it at school, don't panic. You may still be able to get vaccinated through your GP, local immunisation service, sexual health clinic, or privately through pharmacies such as Boots and Superdrug. It's worth contacting your GP practice first to ask what arrangements are available in your area.

It's excellent that you're being proactive and considering contraception. Whichever service you choose, do have a chat with them about the different options available, as they can help you find the method that's right for you and answer any questions you might have.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

There isn't a set timeline for taking a relationship to the next stage, because every relationship is different. What matters most is that both people feel comfortable, happy, and ready, rather than feeling pressured by what others are doing or what seems "normal".

Healthy relationships are built on trust, good communication, mutual respect, and feeling safe with one another. If you're finding yourself wondering whether the timing is right, it can be worth taking a step back and thinking about how you feel, rather than focusing on how long you've been together.

It's also important to be able to have open and honest conversations about your expectations, boundaries, and what you are both comfortable with. Being able to talk about practical things, such as contraception, as well as respecting each other's boundaries, is a good sign of a healthy and mature relationship.

For me, if you're asking the question, it may be that you're still working out how you feel or you're wondering what is considered "normal". I hope you're not feeling pressured into taking the relationship further before you're ready. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to slow down and take more time. The right pace is the one that feels comfortable for both of you.

Vicki ❤️

Hi, this is an important chat to have with your child but often one that leaves many parents filled with dread as it's such a personal topic. 

It's one of the reasons we created a Parents of Teens Hub on the website and we have a blog that discusses talking to your child teen or pre-teen about Sex and Reproduction, please see the link below for more advice.

Talking To Your Child About Sex And Reproduction

Yes, this is on my list of blogs to create.

Hi ❤️ Sharing how you feel about your sexuality is a very personal decision, and there is no right age or deadline for coming out. Some people tell their family when they're young, while others wait until they're older and feel more confident about their feelings. Both choices are completely okay.

It sounds like you and your friend are doing a great job of supporting each other, and that's really important. However, just because your friend may decide to come out soon doesn't mean that you have to do the same. Everyone's journey is different.

If your friend wants to come out because she'd like more freedom to dress in a way that feels right for her, that's her choice. But you don't need a specific reason to come out, and you also don't need to come out simply because someone else is doing it.

The most important thing is that you feel comfortable, safe, and ready. If right now you're happy with only your best friend knowing, that's perfectly fine. There is no prize for coming out sooner, and there is no problem with waiting until the time feels right.

Puberty is a time when lots of young people are getting to know themselves better, and it's okay if you're still figuring things out. Don't let anyone pressure you into sharing something so personal before you're ready.

Trust yourself. When the time feels right, you'll know. And if that time isn't now, that's okay too. Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Thank you for your question. Everyone develops at their own pace, and it's completely normal to be curious about your body as you grow up.

When it comes to getting to know your own body, there aren't any specific rules about how you should feel or what you should be doing. It's a very personal thing, and everyone's experiences are different. Just because you hear friends talking about something or see content online doesn't mean it's something you have to do.

The most important thing is that you never feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable or ready for. Take things at your own pace and remember that growing up is different for everyone.

Vicki ❤️