Hi ❤️

It sounds like you've been having a really tough time lately, and I'm glad to hear that you're getting support and looking into medication. Reaching out for help is a positive step.

Yes, it's okay to have a few days off school if you're struggling with anxiety, especially if your parents feel it's what you need right now. Mental health is just as important as physical health. If you had the flu, nobody would think twice about you resting and recovering, and the same can be true when anxiety is feeling overwhelming.

That said, a few days off is usually most helpful when it's used as a chance to rest, recharge and access support, rather than avoiding school altogether. Sometimes anxiety can grow if we're away from the things we're worried about for too long, so when you're feeling a bit stronger, gradually returning to your usual routine can help build confidence again.

From what you've said, it sounds like your parents are taking your feelings seriously and trying to support you, which is lovely to hear. Use these days to be kind to yourself. Get plenty of sleep, eat regularly, spend some time outdoors if you can, and do things that help you feel calm and safe.

Most importantly, remember that anxiety is something many young people experience, and it can get better with the right support. 

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

First of all, good luck with your show! 🎭✨

Do you know something? Almost everybody gets nervous before going on stage, even people who have been performing for years. Feeling anxious usually means you care about doing well.

A few things that might help:

💕 Take slow breaths. Try breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 4, then breathing out for 4. Do this a few times before you go on stage.

💕 Don't aim for perfect. Aim for having fun. The audience won't know if you miss a line, and if something goes wrong, they'll probably never notice!

💕 Practise your first line. Knowing exactly how you're going to start can make the whole performance feel easier.

💕 Stay away from the "what ifs". Instead of "What if I mess up?", try "What if I absolutely smash it?" ✨

And my favourite tip... before you walk on stage, stand tall, shoulders back, and tell yourself: "I'm excited." Your body feels very similar when it's excited and nervous, so sometimes a little mindset switch can really help.

You've already done the hard part by learning everything and getting this far. Now it's time to enjoy the moment. 🌟

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I'm so sorry. 💔 Losing your dog and not getting the chance to say goodbye is a huge thing to cope with, and then being ill on top of that can make everything feel even heavier.

Please don't think you need to be brave or hold it together right now. It's completely okay to curl up and cry. That's not weakness, that's grief. When we lose a pet, we're not just losing an animal, we're losing a friend who was part of our everyday life, and that hurts.

What makes this especially hard is not being able to say goodbye. Lots of people find themselves replaying that part over and over, wishing things had been different. But if your dog could understand one thing, it would be that you loved them. Dogs don't measure love by a final goodbye. They know it from all the walks, cuddles, treats, games and ordinary days you shared together.

Right now, try to be gentle with yourself. ❤️

It probably doesn't feel like it at the moment, but the intense sadness won't stay this strong forever. One day you'll find yourself smiling at a memory of something silly your dog did instead of only feeling the pain of losing them.

For now, though, it's okay to be sad. It sounds like you've had an incredibly difficult weekend, and anyone in your position would be upset.

Sending you a big hug. 🫶 Your dog was clearly very loved, and that's something that never goes away.

Vicki ❤️

Hi, I have no outstanding questions, can you remember the reference code?

Hi! Firstly, I don't think you're being overdramatic at all. From what you've described, this didn't sound like a healthy relationship, and it's understandable that you're still trying to make sense of it.

Threatening suicide, lashing out, and making you feel responsible for his emotions are all forms of emotional abuse. Pretending to stab you with needles or push you into dangerous situations could also be considered psychological abuse and intimidation, as they would naturally make you feel frightened and unsafe.

The fact that the relationship affected you enough to self-harm shows just how much distress you were under at the time.

I am pleased to hear that you're now happier and in a much better place. But it's completely normal to still be processing what happened, even a year later. You may find that seeing a counsellor again helps you work through those experiences and gives you some clarity.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Thank you for being so honest. Reading your message, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot of hurt for a long time, and I think it's important to say this first: none of what happened to you was your fault.

From what you've said, it sounds like you've been struggling with your confidence for several years, and that's a lot for anyone to carry. Realising that you were being bullied can bring back lots of feelings, even years later, and it's completely understandable that this has affected how you see yourself.

I'm really glad your new school helped you feel more comfortable and able to be yourself. One unkind person doesn't change your worth, even if they have brought back some difficult thoughts and feelings.

What worries me most is that you've thought about self-harm in the past. You don't have to cope with those feelings alone. Please talk to a trusted adult, school counsellor, teacher, parent, family member or doctor about how you're feeling. You deserve support.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about your weight either. We are all different, and if you're naturally taller than many of your friends, it makes sense that you'll weigh a little more too. Your value is not measured by a number on a scale.

For now, focus on looking after yourself, spending time with people who make you feel good about who you are, eating regularly, and doing things you enjoy. And remember, being sensitive isn't a weakness. It means you care deeply, and that's something to be proud of.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ Firstly, take a deep breath. Talking to a friend about thinking you might have ADHD does not make you a pick-me. Most people who are genuinely struggling will naturally talk to friends about it, especially if they're trying to work out what's going on. A pick-me is someone who says things purely for attention. From what you've written, it sounds like you've been dealing with real difficulties and were looking for understanding, not attention.

The fact that you're worried about "what if I don't have ADHD?" actually tells me you're thinking about this quite sensibly. It's okay to suspect ADHD without claiming you definitely have it. Plenty of people go through an assessment and discover it's ADHD, while others find it's anxiety, stress, autism, a learning difficulty, or something else. That's exactly why assessments exist.

What you've said about your parents is also quite common. Sometimes when a young person's mental health improves, parents assume everything else has improved too. The tricky thing is that masking can make it look like you're coping better than you actually are. People often see the effort you're putting in and not the exhaustion behind it.

If a letter won't work, think about other adults around you. Is there:

• A teacher you trust?
• A year head or guidance counsellor?
• A school wellbeing lead?
• A relative who listens to you?

You don't have to convince them you have ADHD. You can simply say:

"I'm struggling with focus, organisation and stress, and I'd like help speaking to someone about it."

Remember you're not attention seeking, you're just being honest.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ I'm really glad to hear your mental health is better than it was before.

It's important not to believe everything you see on social media or to self-diagnose any condition. Only a healthcare professional can tell you whether you have ADHD or something else. Some of the things you've described, like zoning out, procrastinating, struggling with organisation, and feeling overwhelmed, can be linked to ADHD, but they can also happen during puberty, when your brain and body are going through lots of changes.

What worries me most is that you said you've had a "seizure-type" episode where you couldn't speak. That's something you should tell a trusted adult about, whether that's a parent, teacher, school counsellor, or another family member.

If you feel your parents aren't listening, why not write them a letter? Explain how you're feeling, how these difficulties affect your daily life, and that you'd like to speak to someonel to better understand what's going on. You could also talk to a teacher or school counsellor, who may be able to help you get the support you need.

Whether it's ADHD, stress, anxiety, or something else, you deserve to be listened to and supported, so try not to be too hard on yourself. From what you've written, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot on your own, and reaching out for help is a really positive step.

Vicki ❤️

Hi Lizzy ❤️

Firstly, I've removed most of the details from your question in my reply, so nobody reading this will know exactly what you've shared.

Families can be complicated, and it's important to remember that different families have different rules, boundaries and ways of doing things. If your parents don't want you reading certain books, it can feel frustrating, especially when they were something you enjoyed, but it may help to talk to them calmly about why they feel that way when things are less tense.

What stands out most to me, though, is that you're feeling worried and unsure about some things that have happened at home. From what you've said, it sounds like there have been times when you've felt uncomfortable, upset or confused by the way people have behaved. Those feelings matter.

It's very difficult for me to judge situations I haven't witnessed myself, but if you ever feel unsafe, frightened, or worried about how you or someone else is being treated, please talk to a trusted adult. This could be a teacher, a school counsellor, a family member you trust, or another adult who can listen and help you work through your concerns.

Try not to carry these worries on your own. You deserve support and someone you can talk to in real life.

The good news is that you've already done something really positive by reaching out and asking for help. That shows a lot of maturity and courage.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I know how you feel, Connie. It can all feel a bit overwhelming, can't it? The good news is that mood swings are very common during puberty, and lots of young people find themselves laughing one minute and crying the next without really knowing why.

Your body is going through lots of changes right now, and changing hormone levels can affect your emotions. Trust me, it won't last forever, and there are things you can do to make this time a little easier:

• Talk about how you're feeling with a parent, trusted adult or friend. Sometimes sharing your worries can make a big difference.

• Get plenty of sleep. Being tired can make emotions feel much bigger and harder to manage.

• Stay active. A walk, bike ride, dance around your room or playing a sport can help boost your mood.

• Take some time for yourself. Reading, drawing, listening to music or doing something you enjoy can help you feel calmer when emotions are running high.

• Be kind to yourself. It's okay to have days when you feel emotional. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Remember, all feelings are valid, even when they seem to appear for no obvious reason. If your mood swings are making you feel very unhappy or you're struggling to cope, please speak to a trusted adult who can support you.

Be patient with yourself, Connie. Your body is doing an amazing job growing and changing.

Vicki ❤️

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your great uncle. Losing someone you love can make it feel as though your heart has shattered into pieces, and those feelings are completely normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Right now, be gentle with yourself. Talk to your family and friends about how you're feeling, even if it's just to say "I'm really sad." You don't have to carry this on your own. When you feel ready, try sharing some happy memories of your great uncle, looking at photographs, or talking about the things that made him special. Those memories can bring comfort and help keep him close in your heart.

Some days you might feel very upset, while other days you might feel numb, angry, confused, or even okay for a while. All of these emotions are a natural part of grief. Take things one day at a time and allow yourself to cry if you need to.

Remember, the love you had for your great uncle doesn't disappear. The memories you shared with him will always be part of you.

Vicki ❤️❤️

Hi ❤️

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things anyone can go through, and the fact that it only happened yesterday means everything is still very raw. 💔

What you're describing, both the numbness and the fear about your mum, is actually a very common reaction after a bereavement.

When someone dies unexpectedly or after a serious illness, our brains often go into a kind of survival mode. You may feel:

• Numb or detached.
• Like it hasn't fully sunk in yet.
• Anxious about the people you love.
• Hyper-aware of every health symptom or medical issue.
• As though another tragedy is waiting around the corner.

That fear that "if one parent has died, the other one will too" is your mind trying to protect you from being hurt again. It doesn't mean there is any reason to think your mum is ill or that another loss is about to happen. It means you've just experienced something frightening and life-changing, so your brain is scanning for danger.

Try to remind yourself gently:

Your dad died because of a very specific set of circumstances involving sepsis, cancer, and medical treatment. His death does not make it more likely that your mum will become ill.

Right now, you don't need to figure everything out or be strong all the time. If all you can do today is drink some water, eat a little, and get through the next few hours, that is enough.

Please lean on the people around you if you can. Tell someone you trust that you're feeling paranoid about losing your mum as well. Sometimes simply saying those fears out loud can make them feel less overwhelming.

And be kind to yourself if your emotions seem strange. Some people cry immediately, some feel numb for days or weeks, some swing between sadness, anger, relief, disbelief and fear. There is no "right" way to grieve.

I'm sending you a huge hug. ❤️ 

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I can understand why you're feeling worried. When we see scary headlines, videos on social media, or hear people talking about conflicts around the world, it can make it feel as though something bad is about to happen close to home.

The reassuring news is that there is currently no reason for most people in the UK to believe a war is about to start here. Governments, the armed forces, and security services work constantly to help keep people safe and to monitor any potential threats.

It's also important to remember that social media can sometimes make situations seem more immediate or certain than they really are. Videos, rumours, and dramatic posts are often shared because they get attention, not because they accurately predict the future.

If you're finding that thoughts about war are making you anxious, try to:

• Limit how much news and social media you consume.
• Stick to trusted news sources rather than rumours online.
• Talk to a parent, teacher, or another trusted adult about how you're feeling.
• Focus on the things you can control right now, such as school, hobbies, friends, and family.

The fact that you're worried shows that you care about what is happening in the world, but you don't need to spend your days expecting the worst. Right now, you are safe, and there is no need to panic.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It can feel frustrating when your friends seem to have a later bedtime than you. The thing to remember is that every family has different rules, and parents often set bedtimes based on what they think is best for their child.

If you're in secondary school and feel your bedtime is too early, try having a calm chat with your parents. Explain that you feel ready for a little more independence and ask whether they would consider a small change, such as a 30-minute later bedtime. A gradual adjustment can often feel like a fair compromise for everyone.

It's also worth thinking about whether you're actually tired at bedtime. If you find yourself lying awake because you're still wide awake and not ready to sleep, tell your parents this. Let them know that you'd like to try a slightly later bedtime to see if it helps you fall asleep more easily.

When you talk to them, try saying something like:

"I know sleep is important, but I often don't feel tired at my current bedtime. Could we try moving it back by 30 minutes and see how it goes?"

Being mature and respectful during the conversation may help your parents see that you're ready to take on a bit more responsibility.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️ Firstly, take a deep breath.

I can hear how many different emotions you're feeling right now. You've spent years wondering whether being neurodivergent might explain some of your experiences, and now that someone has finally listened and suggested looking into it properly, it suddenly feels very real. It's completely normal to feel excited, relieved, scared, confused, and overwhelmed all at the same time.

The first thing I want you to know is that being referred for an assessment doesn't automatically mean you are autistic, ADHD, or any other form of neurodivergent. It simply means your therapist has noticed things that she feels are worth exploring further. That's actually a positive thing because it means she has been paying attention and wants to help you get answers.

One thing that worries a lot of young people is, "What if everything changes?" In reality, you are still exactly the same person you were yesterday. An assessment or diagnosis doesn't change who you are. It just helps put a name to experiences you may already be having.

As for school, try not to panic about them "not knowing you." This is actually quite common. Lots of neurodivergent young people spend years masking, staying quiet, blending in, or working hard not to stand out. The people involved in an assessment know that school staff don't always see the whole picture. That's why they often gather information from several places, including you, your parents or carers, and professionals who know you.

In terms of what happens next, there will usually be meetings, questionnaires, and conversations about things like:

• How you communicate with others.
• Friendships and relationships.
• Sensory experiences such as noise, lights, clothing, or food.
• Routines and changes.
• Interests and hobbies.
• How you've felt growing up.
• What school is like for you.

There's no pass or fail, and they're not trying to catch you out. They're simply building a picture of who you are.

You've probably seen people online saying that assessments were designed around little boys. There is some truth in the fact that girls and young women have often been missed or diagnosed later because they can present differently, but professionals are much more aware of that now. Many assessors understand that neurodivergence can look very different in teenage girls than in young boys, so please try not to worry about this.

If you do receive a diagnosis, you won't suddenly be forced to tell everyone. Information is treated confidentially, and discussions about support should involve you and your parents or carers. My biggest piece of advice is to start writing things down now. Keep a note on your phone or in a notebook of:

• Questions you want to ask.
• Experiences that make you wonder if you're neurodivergent.
• Things you find difficult.
• Things that help.

That way, when meetings happen, you won't have to remember everything on the spot.

Most importantly, you don't need to decide right now whether you want a diagnosis or not. It sounds as though part of you wants answers, while another part is nervous about what those answers might mean. Both feelings are completely valid.

For now, try to trust that your therapist has brought this up because she believes it could help you understand yourself better. Whatever happens, you won't suddenly become a different person. You'll simply learn more about who you've been all along.

And honestly? From what you've written, it sounds like you're handling a huge amount of uncertainty incredibly thoughtfully. That's something to be proud of.

You are allowed to be scared and hopeful at the same time. 

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

Thank you for sharing this with me. Firstly, I want you to know that what you're describing sounds really distressing, and none of that was your fault.

I think it's important not to try to self-diagnose yourself with attachment issues or any other condition. While some of the things you describe, like feeling extremely anxious when you're away from your trusted people, do sound significant, only a trained professional can help work out exactly what's going on.

What stands out to me is that you've experienced some difficult situations that could understandably make it harder to feel safe and secure around other people. If you've been bullied, abandoned by friends, or had inappropriate experiences with another student, it's not surprising that you might feel more comfortable when you're with people you trust.

The most important thing you can do is tell someone exactly what you've told me. In fact, you've explained it incredibly clearly here. You could:

• Show this message to a parent, carer, teacher, school nurse, counsellor, or another trusted adult.
• Print it out if speaking feels difficult.
• Write it down in your own words and hand it to someone.

You mention that you sometimes become so overwhelmed that you feel stuck and unaware of what's going on around you until one of your trusted people helps you. That's something I think an adult should know about, because you deserve support with those feelings rather than having to manage them alone.

In the meantime, try not to be hard on yourself. Lots of people feel nervous when they're alone, especially in busy places like school. It may help to gradually build your confidence with very small steps, such as making a short trip to the toilet or walking a small distance on your own when you feel ready. But don't force yourself to do big things all at once.

Most importantly, please reach out and speak to somebody. You don't have to carry this by yourself, and getting support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. What you’re describing sounds incredibly painful, and I want you to know that reaching out for support is a really important thing to do.

You're only on day 3 of fluoxetine, and it is unfortunately true that some people feel worse before they feel better. It can take several weeks before the benefits begin to show, and during the first days or weeks some people experience increased anxiety, distress, or intensified feelings. That doesn't make what you're feeling any easier, but it does mean you're not alone in experiencing it.

The fact that you already have one person you can talk to is valuable, even if it feels hard. Please keep leaning on that support where you can.

If you need someone to talk to right now

Samaritans

Free, confidential, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Call 116 123
Website: https://www.samaritans.org

Mind Infoline

Call 0300 102 1234
Mental health information and support
Open Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)

Call 0800 58 58 58
Phone, webchat and WhatsApp support
Open 5pm to midnight daily.

Try to focus on getting through the next hour rather than the next week or month. Grief and depression can make life feel unbearable, but feelings are not permanent, even when they're overwhelming.

Vicki❤️

Hi ❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words. Messages like yours genuinely mean the world to me.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been carrying the pain of feeling misunderstood and unsupported as a child. When a parent projects their own experiences and fears onto their child, it can leave that child feeling unseen, unheard, and very alone. None of that was your fault.

What really stands out in your message is how much work you've done to understand your experiences and begin healing from them. That takes courage. Looking back at childhood memories isn't always easy, especially when those memories come with difficult feelings.

I'm also incredibly touched that you remembered asking questions through your tween and teen years. Those years can be confusing, awkward, emotional, and full of questions that feel too embarrassing to ask out loud. Whether it was periods, discharge, bras, body changes, hygiene, friendships, relationships, or simply growing up, I'm so glad I could be a small source of support and reassurance along the way.

And do you know what? It's actually very common for girls who first reached out in their teens to come back in their twenties and even thirties. Life doesn't stop being complicated once we become adults, and sometimes we all need a safe place to ask questions, seek reassurance, or simply feel heard.

Most importantly, I hope you know that the caring, supportive voice you found in those answers is something you deserve to give yourself too. The kindness, patience, and understanding you needed back then are things you can continue offering to your younger self as you heal.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. It's incredibly special to know that something I said years ago stayed with you and helped you navigate those important years.

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It sounds like the SEAG stress is really getting to you at the moment, and that's completely understandable. Two months can feel like a long time when there's so much pressure, especially when you really want to get into a good school.

You’re already doing lots of brilliant things for your mental health, like journalling, getting outside, walking, and listening to music. A few extra things that might help are:

💜 Having some SEAG-free time every day where you don't revise or think about the test.

💜 Talking to a parent, teacher, or trusted adult about how pressured you're feeling.

💜 Writing down your worries before bed so they're not all swirling around in your head.

💜 Focusing on what you need to do today, rather than worrying about the exam itself.

Most importantly, remember that your worth is not defined by a test score. The SEAG is important, but it doesn't measure how kind, funny, creative, or amazing you are as a person.

And thank you for telling me you have the Lil-Lets teens Starter Teen Kit, that made me smile! 😊

Be kind to yourself ❤️

Vicki ❤️

Hi ❤️

It's only been a week, and what you're feeling is completely normal. Losing someone you love so much hurts, and grieving takes time.

Please don't feel like you have to be strong all the time. It's okay to cry, miss her, and have days where everything feels overwhelming.

💗 Be kind to yourself.
💗 Talk to people who care about you.
💗 Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Your nanna was clearly very loved, and that love will always be part of you.

Vicki ❤️